THE SUPREME COURT: LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER – TRANSCRIPT, MICHAEL MCINTYRE: SHOWMAN (2020) – TRANSCRIPT, RNC 2020 & KENOSHA: LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER – TRANSCRIPT, BORDER WALL II: LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER – TRANSCRIPT, THE DEVIL ALL THE TIME (2020) – TRANSCRIPT, DUNE IS SLOW GOING BUT APT TO STICK IN THE MIND, INTERVIEW WITH DAVID LYNCH, DIRECTOR OF “DUNE”, DAVID LYNCH: DUNE (1984) – REVIEW BY PAULINE KAEL, JOHN MULANEY: KID GORGEOUS AT RADIO CITY (2018) – FULL TRANSCRIPT, JOHN MULANEY: THE COMEBACK KID (2015) – FULL TRANSCRIPT, JOHN MULANEY: NEW IN TOWN (2012) – FULL TRANSCRIPT, Michelle Wolf: Joke Show (2019) – Full Transcript, KEVIN HART: SERIOUSLY FUNNY (2010) – FULL TRANSCRIPT, DAVE CHAPPELLE: STICKS & STONES (2019) – FULL TRANSCRIPT, DANIEL TOSH: PEOPLE PLEASER (2016) – FULL TRANSCRIPT. When, a year ago, Justice Ginsburg was being honored by a congressional group against cancer. —LrdChaos (talk) 21:27, 3 November 2006 (UTC), To those who have said (and to those who also feel, but have not said) that the page was "better" when it had more jokes, I understand your position, but it's important to note that Wikiquote is not a place for collecting all, or even a significant portion of, the jokes. For the last time, Wikiquote is not the place to record everything interesting that someone says, but only a select set of the very best from a person or creative work. I've removed this again, and I'm going to continue to remove it so long as it violates several policies. Perhaps when they advertise a hamburger, they should show a guy choking. Perhaps rather light a stick. They say “get in the car. You seem jittery. Louis jokes about fatherhood, success, and flying first class at the Beacon Theatre in New York. I play golf. (touches Little Bill's nose.) Patrick Leahy: (44:46) That’s not fair.
She opened one professional door after another and made certain they stayed open behind her directly or indirectly.
We’ll hear that Republicans have to do it because Democrats will do far worse, unnamed things in the future. I suggest the [inaudible 00:55:11] of a quorum. Sign in to make your opinion count. Because a fly zigzags. Apart from that one strange exception, no Senate has failed to confirm a nominee in the circumstances that face us right now. I bought a donut.
You guess how many I want. It may make sense to add an "Unsourced" section with only a few quotes, but please don't get carried away and add too many quotes to that section (I'll trim it periodically if it seems to be growing too large). Oh, come on, man. I gotta do a half-hour. But I cheered after the human beings part. The soul of our beloved city is rooted in a history that has evolved over thousands of years, rooted in a diverse people who’ve been here together every step of the way through good and through bad. And by all rights, by every modicum of decency and honor, Leader McConnell and the Republican Senate majority have no right to fill it. --Eustace Tilley 15:54, 6 Apr 2005 (UTC), I gathered the jokes about food and beverages into a group. Women couldn’t get credit cards without their husband’s consent.
When you do comedy, you have to start strong. This is 44 days. Hey. Which means it’s dirty. As of today, there are 43 days until November 3rd and 104 days until the end of this Congress. Coupon not good at any of the Mitch’s Pizza locations. Now, again I accede that a full transcript is copyrightable. Tried the link to the website today and it looks like it has been discontinued. Leader McConnell and Chairman Graham have made a mockery of their previous position. People who smoke cigarettes, they say: “Man, you don’t know how hard it is to quit smoking.” Yes, I do. I used to have really long hair. A master of the one-liner with an absurd rambling style, Zach's sharp, resonating humor makes his show at the famed Purple Onion in San Francisco one of the funniest performances in recent comedy. She is the embodiment of humility and grace and strength and wisdom. I had a problem. And a car pulls up. May she forever rest in peace.
It’s no wonder that many Americans have taken particularly comfort these past days in remembering her famous friendship with her ideological opposite, the late Justice Scalia. In 1980, President Carter nominated her to be an appellate judge on the DC Circuit, and I was so proud to vote for her confirmation back then, back 40 years ago. Because an escalator can never break.
He tossed aside all precedence and principals, he [inaudible 00:49:17] his intent to ram through a nominee no matter the cost. When I play the dumb crowds, I have to say “you gotta lot of shit on your head.” I’m gonna get a little personal towards the last part of the set.
I’m going to do a couple more jokes because, man, you know. So a lot of times I drive 10 miles with the emergency brake on. And I think that’s a better system.
She eloquently and incisively convinced the then all male court to see and strike down the visible and invisible lines that kept the genders unequal. When you’re rolling with it. There’ll be time to discuss why senators who appear on the steps of the Supreme Court and personally threatened associate justices if they do not rule a certain way or ill-equipped to give lectures on civics. When voters have not chosen divided government, when the American people have elected a Senate majority to work closely with the sitting president, the historical record is even more overwhelmingly in favor of confirmation. History and precedent make that perfectly clear.
And applause break over my infidelity. But it’s in my own language.
My friend came up to me. 1.
She’s left us a rich legacy to cherish, more importantly to carry forward, will be forever in her debt a generation. I’ll be at the store. And so, it teased her about that, and she took it all in good humor.
Because I did not know there was a second part to the question.
And if Wikiquote can't have so many of these jokes because of copyright violation, then why does it exist at all?
I rent a lot of cars. Yes. I’m trying to feel it out. He will nominate a justice that would ensure that result in a Supreme Court case that will be argued only a few weeks after election day. Patrick Leahy: (49:24) And then to hear Leader McConnell up on the floor, trying to defend this. I think Visine was only invented for potheads. Patrick Leahy: (35:19)
An AIDS test is very scary. No one seems to care. I followed her career and her ascent to the bench with that special pride you feel, watching someone from your neighborhood make a great difference in the world. As Justice Ginsburg would remark some years later, these and other gender based rules helped to keep women not on a pedestal, but in a cage, and Justice Ginsburg refused to accept the status quo.
Or Mortuary. Because I’m taping a special. I throw a potato in. Unlimited free pizza. I like KitKats unless I’m with four or more people. Why did a bunch of people who don’t know who I am show it my special?
The federal judiciary was right at the top of the list. April: "Okay." Mitch McConnell gave a speech on the Senate floor on March 28, 2016 on Barack Obama's Supreme Court nomination. And when I drive a rental car, I don’t know what’s going on with it, right? Stage diving. Look, all right. Who can eat at a time like this? why? Why do we have to keep going in circles? They start calling out names. I never got a hole in one. Except for me. He’d rather have a fly.
Why did a bunch of people who don’t know who I am show it my special? We all know what we should do. I wish long hair was associated with something other than drug use.
The stakes of this election, the stakes of this vacancy, concern no less than the future of fundamental rights for the American people. This is exactly the opposite. Perhaps more than any other single issue, the American people strengthened this Senate majority to keep confirming this President’s impressive judicial nominees who respect our constitution and understand the proper role of a judge. And on the back of the box, Ritz crackers had all these suggestions. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation?
The clerk will call the roll. You get a like me more than that.
And leather pants. No, not just for the few, but for all Americans. Mitch McConnell: (16:12) I like crackers. Turkey bologna. And go on vacation.
In the final few weeks, sensing her failing health, Justice Ginsburg told her family that it was her “most fervent wish” that she not be replaced until the new President is installed. Can you act?” “Can you write?” “Write us a script.” They want me to do things that’s related to comedy. Here’s what I said on the Senate floor on the very first session the day after justice Scalia passed, “The Senate has not filled a vacancy arising in an election year when there was a divided government since 1888, almost 130 years ago.” Here’s what I said the next day when I spoke to the press for the first time on the subject, “You have to go back to 1888 when Grover Cleveland was president to find the last time a vacancy created in a presidential election year was approved by Senate of a different party.”. I’ll just give you the money.
Every time people applaud, I’m always going “no, no, no.” “That’s dumb.” My manager is cool. See how happy I am. Like if you wear a turtleneck and a backpack, it’s like a weak midget trying to bring you down. And that’s way more satisfying. Swearing to help prevent forest fires.